DAY 24

I completely do not want to be at the gym today! But I am. I suppose that's good but I don't want to. I'm so tired and frustrated all I want to do is sleep and eat that left over chocolate cake that I should probably throw out. I can't help it! I've just been feeling bad about dumb stuff. Not weight loss related but I'm frustrated that I keep seeing other people my age married and with babies. Especially since they haven't been with their partners long and I've been with mine for 9years! It gets me really depressed sometimes! Horrible. Sometimes working out takes my mind off of it but.. It still gets me down.

EDIT 5:13pm In happier news today.. I weighed in at 203 with clothes and shoes on!

DAY 23

I am almost a month in and I did not do well this holiday weekend. I actually was fine through the holiday and the family gatherings. It was tonight that I didn't do well on. I mean, I haven't been to the gym pretty much all weekend. I went for a walk today but you know..

And the worst of it.. tonight my boyfriend convinced me to go to a fast food taco restaurant.. where I over ate out of excitement. And now I feel completely sick. I was doing so good. I know it doesn't mean I am back a square one but I feel bad about it.

I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow and double time it. Until then I am going to lay down on the couch and hope that I am not going to vomit.

DAY 18

I have been trying to keep on the gym. I have gone about 5 days this week. I don't feel sore infact, I feel good.

But I am worried a little bit about Thanksgiving. I know I love to eat especially all the homemade goodies during the holiday season. I need to work on portion control or just flat out saying no.

What works for you? I need tips, help, something.

Either way, Happy Thanksgiving.

I am having trouble getting motivated this week if you watch my drift. This lady time is truly putting a cramp in my exercise plans. I did force myself to the gym today. And I did feel better once I got there but its been a draining week. Boo!

DAY 12

I can't even stand it today. I am so not motivated to go to the gym. I worked late and now I am tired. I have cramps and that time of the month is not making me feel like I need to go anywhere except to bed.

DISLIKE!

I went Monday... and I considering going yesterday. But I didn't. I need to do something. I know.

I am going to force myself to use my stationary bike while I watch tv tonight.

What keeps you motivated when you don't feel like going to the gym?

DAY 9

The more I work out the better I feel. Really. Saturday I got up early and went to the gym. Then when I came home my mother surprised me and came over for a walk. Which reminds me of a weight loss technique someone once told me about.

What it's called is mystery work out. What it is is basically you have a partner who is supposed to meet you to work out somewhere, like a park or whatever, at a certain time. The only thing is that you never know what day they are coming on so you feel obligated to go every day because you don't want to miss them. Or you can ask them to randomly show up at your house sometime like what my mom did yesterday. It worked out nicely because yesterday was a beautiful day for a long walk.

Today I didn't want to work out. I did.. until I got into a car accident. I was so bummed out. It really put a damper on my day. A minor fender bender but I felt sore and I couldn't figure out if it was accident related or workout related. So I opted for a rest day. I went and got my bike out of my parents garage and brought it over to my apartment so I can use it on the next really nice day.

Tomorrow it's back to business.

DAY 7

Ugh! I was feeling completely froggy after work this afternoon. Not from work, but because I was feeling so sore from my few days at the gym. So I decided against going to the gym but felt I needed a good stretch. So I busted out my yoga mat today and my yoga movies and did a quick 30 minute yoga session. Let me tell you, I am so stretched the pain went away.. for the most part. I love yoga. I really do. I think I am going to have to get a yoga pass card to a local place because there are some nights where I absolutely need this. And it would be nice to do yoga with other people. I feel really unstead on my feet in certain poses right now so MAYBE I should wait a little longer.

I have to confess.. I went to a fast food resturant today. One of my clients wanted to and I just couldn't say no. But I was proud of myself.. I only got a medium fry and a small frosty type thing for a snack. I mean.. there is little to no chance of me eating more than my daily calories today as I have been on the oatmeal and fruit for breakfast and salad for lunch kick.

I am thinking tonight is a salad and soup kind of dinner night. Should be tasty.

My boyfriend and I have a hot date to go to the movies tonight. I am going to try to not get candy. I know I can live without it. Or at least I can live without my typical 2 boxes/bags of candy each movie. Maybe this time I can bring myself one tootsie pop and be satisfied. You know, and try this moderation thing on for size. One tasty tootsie pop.

Yeah. I might have to do that. I will let you know how I make out.

DAY 6

I was pretty good today. More healthy food... except for my dessert because I think I deserved it today. I had a stressful day at work.. it's ok to have an extra fig newton right?

I did go to the gym again today and did 60 minutes of cardio. 30 on the elliptical and 30 on the treadmill. MAN AM I SORE! Seriously. It should not be this painful. It should sort of be enjoyable.. I can't wait to see the rewards for my labor.

Chocolate is my vice though. I feel like if I cut it out completely I am going to want it more. You know, the same idea of when your parents said don't go look in the closet and you were dying to look in the closet. This is pretty much the same reason why I can not do diets. If I tell myself I can't have something, for some reason I want it so much more. And then I binge on it. Moderation anyone? If I moderate the things I love.. I can still love them and work towards my goal. But love them in appropriate portions.

What do you think? What's your food vice? Do you think it's better to have something in moderation or cut it out completely?

DAY 5

I DID IT!
I officially returned to the gym after almost a year of not going.

I went for an hour today, 30 min of cardio and 30 min of weights. I felt like I could have gone longer but I am glad I didn't over do it on my first day. I mean, walking back up the stairs to my second story apartment I started to feel a little sore. But I am so happy!

Going back tomorrow!

Here's a little summary...

My first goal in this journey was to get a gym membership again. So Saturday I filled out the membership form and went to the gym Sunday to make sure I was all registered and ready to rock. No dice. Some issue on their end. So Monday I went and was able to get my card so now I can begin my workouts...

However I decided I should go out to a jazz concert with one of my friends and eat some delish gourmet food, yes, complete with the cheesecake dessert... (Which I regretted as I delighted in its sinfully deliciousness.)

Then Tuesday I planned to go to the gym after my hair cut since I had been doing good with eating and such all day. But my haircut took longer than expected so I didn't get to go. And I had a pizza for dinner. I guess I tried to write it off in my head as life happens but I really need to get on the ball.

So tonight.. on DAY 5 of my journey I am going to the gym. No ifs, ands, or butts. I am typing out this entry then taking my fat ass over there. I am really proud of myself today. I am going to make it to the gym and I worked hard all day and ate healthy despite my desire for fast food. I had a nice breakfast of fruit and oatmeal with tea and a healthy lunch of a salad with caesar dressing. mmmm.. rabbit food. So of course when I come home I am craving something bad for me. I decided i would enjoy some of my left over mac and cheese from my jazz night Monday. I won't need to feel guilty about it.. No. Not at all since I ate what is likely a true portion size of just about a cup of pasta.

The only thing that is going to bogg me down tonight is that my music playing device is not charged. Of course. And I can't find any headphones. So there is a good chance I will cut my gym experience short today but who cares. I am going and thats what really counts.

I need to look up some more salad ideas. I want to like salad. I really do. There are some salads that I enjoy, like ones with feta, tuna, and cranberries... or ones with chicken, apples, cranberries, and balsamic vinegar. I'll get the hang of this sooner or later and I will lose some weight. Guaranteed.

Oh by the way. Since I know you are curious. I am 5'4'' and weighing in at approximately 220lbs.
Wish me luck!

The Beginning

I'm going to be honest, I want to lose weight. Who doesn't? But I feel like I really need to.

I used to be skinny. I used to be active. In fact, I never really had a problem with my weight until the middle and end of high school. My weight kept going up and down through high school. I don't know whether it was the addition of a license in my life or my undying love for everything sweet and salty. Yes. Sweet and Salty. Someone somewhere once said that people will either like sweet or salty. I am blessed with loving both.

After high school I lost a good chunk of weight and was feeling good. Then BOOM! shattered my knee and gained it all back. (Over time but still...) And college.. let's not forget how college did wonders for my weight. Somehow fast food, alcohol, and studying went hand in hand.

But I graduated and got a job, where I sit on my ass which continues to get fatter as I continue to lead a sedentary lifestyle with a super poor diet.

Well.. I have officially had enough. It's time for a change, and I mean it this time. Not only am I determined to lose the weight, I am determined to make lifestyle changes that will help me keep the weight off. I am going on a diet; been there done that and it just makes me frustrated that I can not seem to stick with it. I am not going to live at the gym; I will go but I am going to work to add more activity to my lifestyle.

So watch, share, and join me. I am determined to be met with success that will LAST!